While looking for something to do, I browsed the app Untappd
for local bars. I came across a most curious place in the list of nearby
establishments: "The Fortress". Armed only with the address, C/K and I decided to
go on a trek to check the place out.
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| What time is it? |
The listing designates the place a “speakeasy,” which I can
only assume is a category for modern day bars that are trendy and secretive—the
kind with no sign above the door. The address was in a residential area, but
not far from IUP’s campus.
On our first pass by, we spotted a house with a back patio
lit up by Christmas lights. The house itself was dark and seemingly empty.
Clearly this bar was so hipster-y that it was disguised as a quiet house to
fool the legions of uncool people who must prowl the area looking for the
underground venue.
Trepidation gripped me by the time we had worked up the
courage to pull into a gravel parking lot behind the house. We noticed that
there were multiple entrances. Apparently, the structure was home to several
apartments, also explaining the ample parking. We got out of the car and walked
around the building. Seeing no signs of life, we abandoned our quest and
retired to watch Scott Pilgrim airing
on MTV2.
Further investigation online revealed that there were
several spots on Foursquare (where Untappd gets its listings) that were private
residences, but given nicknames. Other examples included “B*tch Palace” and “The
Cave.” The Fortress’ Foursquare page even listed it as such (while the Untappd
page indicated it only as a bar).
In the end, we were gypped. We were duped by college kids “cleverly”
naming their (likely uncool) liars. But hey, it was still sort of an adventure.
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